|ight i havn't wrote in a long time so i guess i will
||[Jun. 5th, 2005|10:43 pm]
beauty is poetry
|||||damn mind numnbing t.v||]|
What would life be like now with u by my side with an understanding of what would be there who u would make yourself be how would u manage. What would comfort u through this world. Maybe I should just take some pills to make the pain of u of everyone go away these cuts just go deeper and deeper the understanding is just not there I am not able to understand I am confused day by day I am even more not able to get an understanding of what is happening. Why do u forget me is it that easy to walk by try to avoid me. I would feel much more comfortable about everything if u acted like yourself. I am not able to love u or even like u I don’t know u. this kid I talked to for 15 minutes I knew more about him then I ever would with u after 5 months this has to stop just how will I end it all. You are soon going to be erased from me just like everyone else that has broken me or faded has done. Sean I miss u. I get cold when I think of u where am I going to be I am scared. I need to talk to you I understand u I understand yet I don’t when I am around u and I think I need that. I also need to let go of u let go of everything that I had known. Sleeping beauty trips me with her frown. I need something to happen something to understand something to make everything worth wild. I can’t wait I aren’t I need u to do something I can’t I don’t have the strength if u don’t I am going ruin every thing I had with all your friends. I like them I liked u but it seems like u have just given up. Well that won’t get anything anywhere. no opportunity’s for anything where will u and me be in a year or so what will go on what is happening. This is all broken.
I have to leave him try to make u understand that we are meant to be together and that I need u to live on. U are breaking everything that I ever knew u make me feel so good about my self that I am actually worth something and that I can do something and I stand for a reason. This pain just seeps deeper and deeper. I need to talk to right now or else I am drowning in this pool of confusion. Tell me something. I am here wit your picture and this pain is just I need something to take it away. It all falls down. L I wish I could be never sober and take away from this pain. Bring something that will make something meaning full have an understanding be happy but that is to far away. Everything is way to far now.